I should just buy my own continent or something

Hi, everybody.

I'm just stopping by to briefly update you on the weight loss thing.

118 pounds so far.

It's going slowly lately, possibly because it's so COLD outside that I haven't been able to take any walks.
I know I could probably walk indoors at a store or something (we don't have any malls around here), but that would just feel weird. I can't stand having people look at me when I'm walking.
And I know that there are people in malls who, for some god-forsaken reason, actually sit around and do what they call "people-watching". I don't get it. I've heard people say it's fascinating and fun, but to me it just sounds awfully rude. I mean, would you like having someone stare at you and analyze you and make a mental list of all the ways in which you look weird or act weird or move weird?
I get the creeps just thinking about it.
.

Wild for Wild Sauce

Hi, there!

Remember over two and a half years ago when I posted about being nostalgic for the "Wild Sauce" that Taco Bell used to have?

Remember when I said I'd found this recipe which claimed to re-create it?

Today I FINALLY got around to making the recipe.
Yes! It only took me two and a half years.

I have honed procrastination to a fine art achieved only by a few select masters.

(Autographs available upon request... when I get around to it.)

Anyway, the sauce!
The sauce!

I like it!

I did make some modifications to suit my tastes.

You can see the original recipe in the picture here... (click to enlarge).

Here's what I did differently:

1. I used dehydrated minced garlic instead of dehydrated minced onion.

2. Instead of one teaspoon of sugar, I used two. (It still could have used a little more, but I didn't want to run the risk of making it too sweet).

3. Instead of two teaspoons of tabasco sauce, I used about triple that amount. (What can I say. The hotter the better.)

4. Instead of plain boring vinegar, I used some of the liquid from the jalapeno jar.

5. Instead of regular chili powder, I used the extra hot variety.

6. Instead of plain cayenne from the grocery store, I used "medicinal strength" cayenne. You know, the stuff I got as a gift from "The Crotchety Old Man". (Who, by the way, I would like to thank yet again!) I blogged about it here in this post which was titled "Pay No Attention To The Steaming Intestines".

This stuff is great! I could eat it with a spoon. Seriously.
It's good and hot.

For my dinner tonight, I'm going to have it on tacos.

Yum!
.

Condolences need slightly more ketchup

I forgot to update all of you on the weight loss thing.
I've lost 114 pounds so far, which might sound pretty good at first.
The problem is that I've been on a plateau for awhile, and the number seems to be stuck at 114.

I weigh once a month, so I'll keep you updated when the next one happens.

Send encouragement, condolences, cheeseburgers, or some combination thereof.
.

Reddest. Lunch. EVER.

Since I've had very very few comments on any of these vegetarian posts, I can only assume that most of you are dead.
My condolences.

Since I'm the only person left (almost), this means there will be plenty of bacon out there for me to eat when I start having meat again tomorrow.
And pepperoni.
We mustn't forget the pepperoni.

Here's what I had for the last day of my vegetarian week:
(I feel like I'm going to sprout soon.)

Breakfast:
Strawberries
Carrots

Lunch:
Radishes
Raspberries
Tomatoes
Strawberries

Dinner:
Blueberries
Cauliflower
Strawberries
Broccoli
Kiwi
.

I hope your bones heal soon. Here, have some radishes.

Tomorrow's the last day of my vegetarian week.
It's been a veeerrry quiet week.
I'm optimistically hoping the only reason people haven't commented is because you've all broken all the bones in your fingers. I imagine something involving super-glue and a falling piano.
Maybe a dumpster full of bowling balls.
Feel free to specify.

On Monday I can go back to having normal food again.
Pepperoni pizza sounds exquisite, sort of like cold fresh water must sound to someone who's shriveled up and dying in the desert while the hot sun laughs and laughs in their face.
(I was going to include something about camels peeing on them, but wasn't sure quite how to approach that.)

Anyway, here's today's menu.
If you're out there, at least let me know you're still breathing.


Breakfast:
Blueberry yogurt
Chocolate Almond "Fiber Plus" bar
Milk

Lunch:
Tossed salad with Italian dressing
Diet Coke

Snack:
Strawberries
Tomatoes
Raspberries
Broccoli
Sugar-free raspberry lemonade

Dinner:
Morningstar Farms imitation "sausage" patty (Not as bad as it sounds.)
Hush puppies
Radishes
Carrots
.

I'm not even sure what pepperoni is really made from, yet I... (*smack* *drool*.... *slobber*)

Day #5 of my pointlessly self-imposed vegetarian week.
Only two days left, then I can resume my previous omnivorous existence.
I think I miss pepperoni the most.
Yes... pepperoni.
(*starts daydreaming and drooling*)


Breakfast:
Bowl of Kellogg's All-Bran with 1% milk
Peppermint tea

Snack:
Strawberry yogurt
Lemon tea

Lunch:
Cheesy broccoli-mushroom pasta
Diet cola

Snack:
Pickles
Carrots
Radishes

Dinner:
Flour tortilla topped with marinara sauce and parmesan cheese, baked in oven til crispy
Sugar-free raspberry lemonade
.

Too meat-deprived to think of a title for this post

Yesterday we in Jantrails-land heard the unmistakable sound of absolutely no one caring what I ate.
Today, there's that exact same sound, except you can also hear a pin drop.

And monkeys, for some reason.
I hate monkeys.

Here's what I ate for day #4 of my pointlessly self-inflicted week of vegetarianism:

Breakfast:
Blueberry yogurt
Bowl of Fiber One cereal

Snack:
Peppermint tea
Strawberry yogurt

Lunch:
Peanut butter sandwich
Baby carrots
Tomatoes

Snack:
A raw jalapeno pepper
Carrots, radishes, and pickles

Dinner:
Chipotle queso fresco on Rye Wasa
Baby carrots
Pink lemonade (sugar free)
.

Bean slime... not my favorite thing.

(*gasp*)
Do you hear that?
What's that sound?

It's the sound of absolutely no one caring what I ate today.

And yet, here I am posting it anyway.

By the way, the Progresso soup was awful. Really bad. The texture was like that "bean slime" you get from a can of kidney beans, and the flavor was almost nonexistent. It did NOT taste like jalapenos at all. It hardly tasted like anything. Really nasty bad.


Breakfast:
Strawberry yogurt
(didn't feel like having anything else; I had a headache and didn't feel well)

Lunch:
Bean & cheese burrito with salsa

Snack:
Grape tomatoes
Diet orange crush

Dinner:
Progresso "Black Bean Jalapeno" soup (Blecchhh! Yuk!)
Cheese crackers
Baby carrots
Tomatoes
.

P.S. Rest assured I'm drinking plenty of water. If only to get the bean slime taste out of my mouth.

Another day, another carrot

I'm so glad there were people who actually commented on yesterday's post.
Thank you.

(*pause for sobs of gratitude*)

When this vegetarian week is over, and I'm allowed to eat recently-living creatures once again, I am totally going to dive into a swimming pool full of bacon.
In the deep end.

Here's what I had today:

Breakfast:
Bowl of Fiber One cereal with 1% milk
Raw string beans

Lunch:
3 Vegetarian egg rolls w/sweet & sour sauce
Raw carrots

Dinner:
Crisp Rye Wasa bread with swiss cheese spread
Raw carrots and string beans

Snack:
Blueberries
.

Are you still wearing pants? How about now?

Every now and then I decide to go vegetarian for a week.
I always blog about it on The Jannaverse, and most people are absolutely bored to tears. I can tell this because most people don't comment.
(I suppose there's always hope that I've awed them into speechless wonder, but somehow I doubt it.)

Anyway, I'm going vegetarian this week, and instead of boring the pants off my Jannaverse readers, I've decided to bore the pants off my Jantrails readers instead.

(The irony being that I don't think I even HAVE any Jantrails readers, and if I do, they might not wear pants.)

Anyway, here's what I ate today:

Breakfast:
Nothing! It's Labor Day, I have the day off, and I slept in.
(Easiest vegetarian meal EVER.)

Brunch:
Fresh raspberries
Chocolate almond "Fiber Plus" bar

Lunch:
Flour tortilla topped with marinara sauce and parmesan cheese, baked in oven until crispy

Dinner:
Macaroni and cheese
Sugar-free pink lemonade

Snack:
Strawberry yogurt
.