Monday, June 2, 2008

Manic Monday: Over

If someone is grieving, either because of a failed relationship, a death, a major loss, or a serious illness, the LAST thing they need to hear is "Just get over it."

It simply doesn't work that way.

Sometimes healing takes a long, long time. Months, years, sometimes a lifetime-- however long or short that may end up being.
The person can not simply extricate themselves like removing a piece from a jigsaw puzzle.

It just doesn't work that way.

The pain keeps going, even after you're probably tired of hearing the person talk about it. Healing can eventually happen, but it will happen MUCH more SLOWLY if the person doesn't feel validated during the grieving process.

In the meantime, the person needs a friend who will cry with them, who will freely share their sense of pain and outrage, someone who will listen with sincerity and compassion. Someone who will be sympathetic and empathetic. Someone who doesn't expect everything to just go back to normal the next day... or the next week... or even the next month. It's an ongoing process, and sometimes the person will have "relapses," where they will once again need you to grieve with them, cry with them, comfort them. Eventually they will probably be ok, but in the meantime... they need you to understand.
They need you a lot.
The absolute worst, worst thing you can say or think is "Geez, just get over it already."

Again, it just does not work that way.

It also makes that person less likely to confide in you the next time he or she is hurt.
And that's really sad.


Crazy Working Mom said...

Very well said, my friend. You've hit the nail right on the head.

Happy Manic Monday from CrAzY Working Mom.

The Flying Monkeys said...

Yep, and I hate it when someone says something nasty about you behind your back, and people say get over it!

Come on over to my blog and check out whats going on, and whats OVER!

Meloncutter said...

"get over it" sounds like a good hook line for a song. Hmmmmm.

Later Y'all.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

We all grieve in our own way and our own time frame. Very well said. Have a great MM. :)

Travis said...

You're right. Hugs.

Marilyn said...

I hate that.

I hate when you open up about something and get that kind of response. Sometimes people kick you when you're down and they don't even seem to know they did it. That, to me, is even worse. It's like I'm not even important enough for them to notice that they hurt my feelings.